He finally said, “I’ve always been looking for you, but your mobile phone is turned off, your father said you were on a business trip, until yesterday Chi Fei Fan told me the truth……” So it was Chi Fei Fan that betrayed me, no wonder Lu Yu Jiang could find me in the hospital, these two men, what did they want to do?
I was outraged, “Why are you seeking me? Did you want to put me on the operating table? I tell you, the last time breaking your head I was being easy on you, you dare to have any inhumane ideas. Today, I’ll castrate you, let you completely die without any descendants!”
He rubs his bandaged head, and gave a wryly smile, “Jing Zhi you’ve always been so strong.”
“Of course, or else I would have been bullied to death by you this assh*le.”
“Jing Zhi, it’s not that I don’t want this child,” His voice was low, there was a long pause, “I don’t know what to say to you.” I didn’t expect that he also dare to say, I was so angry that I wanted to choke him, “Of course, such inhumanity words, it must be hard.”
He also looked at me, because of the back lighting, I couldn’t see his expression, but intuitively, I suddenly felt heart-broken, because he just dazedly stared at me, like he never seen me, I suddenly felt very sad. His eyes were dark, like the night when there’s no stars and there was also no moon, dark like the boundless sea/ocean. The way he looked at me, I suddenly felt myself almost drowned in the sea. He had never stared at me this way before, such seriousness, such focus…… Finally, I finally heard his voice, “Jing Zhi, I love you.”
I almost fainted, a bolt from the blue, just giving me a split. Although I have dreamed of this many times, I dreamt Lu Yu Jiang would say that to me, but I never thought he would be really say to me. But in this case, I am not happy, not one bit, I know he must be deceiving me, because he trying to conceive me not to have the child, so he does not hesitate to use the beauty tactic. Miserable wretch! My teeth itch with hatred, but my face did not expose any expression at all, I even smiled at him, “If you love me, why won’t you let me give birth to our child?”
Hitting where it hurts, he actually dare to use the beauty tactic, I’ll beat him at his own game. He paused for a moment, and finally made up his mind, and handed me an envelope. I take out a look, and thought it was my elder sister’s CT. When she was in hospital, I’ve often seen this type of brain CT’s before, the attending doctor always pointed to the shadows and told me how many tumor and diffusion there was. In front of the terminally ill, the modern medical science and technology simply was at a loss what to do, what the doctors can only do, is to try to reduce the pain of my elder sister, let her get pass each day.
But this is not the CT film of my elder sister, I realised because there was no dreadful shadow, I took the film, looked at Lu Yu Jiang some doubts. His voice was very low, it seemed as if he was to be trying to repress something, maybe it was my illusion, but he said, “When your elder sister died, you cried until you fainted in the ward, the doctor perform first aid for you, but for a very long time you did not regain your consciousness, so they did a body check, the results they found there was a large soy bean lump in your skull base……”
My eyes instinctively fell on CT film, and I finally found a large soy bean black dot, and it was in my skull base, if you didn’t look carefully and you would never be able to find it. I looked at the tiny bean, the small black dots only made me feel frightful. I didn’t know when my hands started to tremble, I personally seen my elder sister’s own head gradually grew a small tumor, until it finally ferociously swallow her life. Thinking back on her last days, I just felt dizziness, nausea and wanting to vomit.
“The position is very bad, it within the nerve most intensive areas, the doctor said if we risk the operation, there’s a very high probability you will become a vegetable , if it’s not stimulated, under normal circumstances, it should not malignant.” He reached out his hand to hold my hand, I discovered that my hands as cold as ice, and his hands were just as cold as mine.
 植物人 Zhí Wù Rén: A vegetable (vegetative patient): serious functional brain injury, the victims in irreversible deep coma, loss of consciousness, but to maintain spontaneous breathing and heartbeat can be sub-cortical central.
I have never seen Lu Yu Jiang like this, his eyes had tears, “Jing Zhi, you’re a person who loves being active and mischievous, when the doctor told me, I don’t want to, if the operation fails, you lying there, cannot see, cannot hear, but also can never eat anything, cannot move, lying in bed for a lifetime, I know it will make you feel worse than death. The doctor recommended conservative scheme to me, he said that as long as there is no hormone stimulation, there is great hope it will not worsen. As long as it does not grow, you besides having occasional headaches, you can live like normal people. I specially consulted the neurology experts from almost all domestic and foreign, they recommended, as long as you not to have children, you should not have any risk. So…… So I selfishly decided for you, I don’t want to let you live in the shadows. When your elder sister left, you were very heart-broken, if you knew, you will feel afraid, so regarding this issue I have kept you in the dark. Jing Zhi……” His very hot lips on the back of my hands, “please forgive me, forgive my selfishness……”
I was shaking, my entire body was algid, like sitting on ice. I couldn’t hear what he said, I clutched the CT film. The scene of my elder sister dying flashed before my eyes, when the tumor was pressing on her nerves, very early on she could not see anything, she was so thin there was only bones left, her hair all fell out. I can never forget her last gasp appearance, when I think of her I’ll tremble, I’m really afraid, afraid I’ll became like her. I am timid, I am afraid of death, life is so good, the world is so beautiful, I really want to live.
At the moment I am very grateful towards Lu Yu Jiang, he deceives me for so many years, let me live without sorrow and anxiety, if I had known about my sickness, and I would have long died—— I really couldn’t bear such things as being terminally ill, especially my loved ones by one leaving me, and now it’s my turn.
I know that fate will not let me go, I know there are more cold story waiting for me, but I never thought, the writer of this story was so ruthless, to give me a terminally illness! Aren’t you known as the tragic Queen? Don’t you always commit innumerable murders? Don’t you always abuse your readers to wail and whine? Don’t make me into tragic female lead, it’s uncomfortable!
I asked Lu Yu Jiang, “You married me is it because you pity me?”
“No, not at all.” He looked up, “Jing Zhi, it’s not what you think.”
I laughed, my laugh must looked worse than a cry, I said, “Thank you for saying that you love me today, I didn’t know that you pitied me for so long.”
He held my hand with great strength, but his voice was very low, “Jing Zhi, I love you, not because I pity you.”
Anything he said was futile, it was in vain. I looked into his eyes, his eyes still so black, reflecting my own shadow, my face in his eyes there are some deformation, I looked at this person who I swear that I will not love. I didn’t think I would have the same disease as my elder sister, there will also be a day, when I would be like my elder sister and die a painful death. I don’t even hear to what he had said, there were humming sounds in my ears. And after a while, I could not see his face, I’ve once loved him, after my elder sister died, I thought, don’t be sad, I will love you in elder sister’s place.
I did not expect such a cruel fate, not giving elder sister a chance, also not giving me a chance.
“Jing Zhi, you always have been so stubborn, no matter what I do, you will fled further away……” He crouched there, mumbling, no coherence to his sentence, not knowing what to say, “That time during the divorce I thought, if I let it go, maybe you will be happier than being by my side. But I wasn’t rest assured, I wasn’t reconciled, I wanted you to stay, a place where I can see you. But you always have a way to make me lose control, Jing Zhi…… It is my fault, I always have been very careful, but that day you really made me angry……”
Incoherent words a sentence into my ears, I don’t want to hear them, I don’t want to listen to anything of this, no matter what he wants to say. Why did he not keep it from me? Why did he have to tell me? Place such a cruel thing in front of me, he never loved me, he egoistic, making everything into this, then tell me I have cancer, I cannot have children. My days are stolen, I lived so long, if I want to survive, I had to give up my little soy bean.
I must have looked at Lu Yu Jiang with gnashing my teeth in anger, he shook my hand and pleaded, “Jing Zhi, you don’t be like this, why don’t you cry it out, okay? Jing Zhi, you don’t hold back……”
I pulled his hand, “What is there to cry about?”
Although I was really afraid, although I wanted to cry too, but who am I? I’m Ye Jing Zhi, play the immortal cockroach, the most powerful actress/female lead. I will not weep and sob like Lin mei mei , utter in anguish like those South Korean soap dramas, even if you have a terminal illness to me, but if you wanted me to be sad tragic female lead, no way!
 Mei Mei: Younger sister
Especially before Lu Yu Jiang, I will not ever shed a tear. He lied to me, he lied to me this way, he still want to deceive me until this day. I will never cry in front of him, even in death, I won’t die in front of him.
Lu Yu Jiang was still very worried while holding me, I gently pushed him away and said, “Regarding this matter I’ll have to think about, I want to have to go back.”
He said, “Jing Zhi, I beg you, don’t be strong-headed, don’t use your life as a joke.”
Today Lu Yu Jiang was very weak, he has asked me several times, I have never seen him so timid and over-cautious, I didn’t want to think of the reasons. I was really tired, I said, “This is a big matter, let me think about it.”
Perhaps my complexion looks terrible, he didn’t press further on. I asked him to leave, I said, “You go, Chi Fei Fan will accompany me.”
I don’t know what he already discuss with Chi Fei Fan, but on the way sending me home Chi Fei Fan didn’t say anything, and after I entered the house I said, “Brother-in-law, I want to eat pork braised in brown sauce.”
He personally drove out and brought the meat, and then returned to the kitchen cooked a pot of delicious pork braised in brown sauce.
I also ate the whole pot of meat.
I was so full, even using the wall for support as I walked. I asked him, “When did do you know?”
He said, “Yesterday.” He paused and said, “You knocked Lu Yu Jiang into a concussion, he was hospitalized for two days, the doctor was unwilling to discharge him, so it was only yesterday that he found me, and told me everything about your illness. I felt that you guys still needed to have to talk face to face, he was afraid you wouldn’t see him, so I just told him to go in the hospital.”
If only I was little bit more extremely cruel and merciless, at that time directly used the ashtray to kill Lu Yu Jiang, then I’ve would have never known I’m sick. Happily through the rest of my life, and happily die because little soy bean.
Chi Fei Fan said, “Jing Zhi, where there’s life, there’s hope . Maybe in the future there will be medicine developed, at that time you can have babies again, and perhaps the risk is much less than now……”
 留得青山在: This idiom means “As long as the green hills are there, one need not worry about firewood.”
I know even Chi Fei Fan will revolt, in the TV appeared this kind of plot, there’s always a lot of people cry on each other’s shoulder, then this advise that said, endless, stretching out to twenty episodes.
I said, “Brother-in-law, let me quietly think things through.”
He must also know I’m tired, I was physically and mentally fatigue, my complexion must also look terrible, so he also did not say anything further, let me sleep early, and then he left.
I eaten a belly full of pork braised in brown sauce, I was in bed for two hours in a mercifully dreamless sleep, and then climb up. Opening the refrigerator rummaging, when aunty heard the commotion, she came in and asked me, “What did you want to eat?”
“I want to eat aloe yogurt, a big box.”
“I’ll go buy it for you.”