I know that during the earthquake, there were tens of thousands of people who died, I know that during the earthquake, there were many families reduced to fragments. I watched the news coverage with tears, because blood is thicker than water I had made donations, but I never came close to victims of the earthquake, I never expect to encounter one the train, seeing a doctor that has lost his son and his wife.
“Once the accident occurred I was busy clearing the panda’s out of the inventory, I was thinking of ways to place these national treasures to a safe place, then when the pandas were settled, I had the time to go home and have a look. The road was blocked, I walked back to the town I once knew, my home was gone. Basically all the houses collapsed, especially the schools. I still have 1/10000 of hope, my child was especially good at sports, he once took the number one sprint position for the country, but he couldn’t escape, I couldn’t even find his bones……”
I felt awkward and didn’t know what to say, but he smiled, as if to conceal the hint of tears in his eyes, “It’s all right, a person’s lifetime, it’s merely just a few decades, what’s the purpose? The purpose is to live well. If my child and my wife in heaven knows that I was too heart-broken to not live on, they will not be happy. You see, this evening did we also hold a newborn? Even though the baby was born in the train, but the child is healthy! Seeing a baby being born, there’s nothing better than that.”
My hands were unconsciously landed on my stomach. The meaning of life is the continuation of it, in this world, the most tenacious of life. During the earthquake, it consisted more than 100 hours of survivors being rescued, there’s Uncle “who wants to drink coke” such an optimism student, the hero who saved two nine years old students…… They never give up trying to escape, they always adhere hope, even before the seemingly common ordinary doctor, also after such great grief, still straighten his spine.
The situation I’ve encounter with is nothing.
Just because I have a small bean in my head doesn’t mean I have to give up little soy bean in my womb. I’m the creator of life, this is the embryo of my bone and blood. It’s God’s gift to me, no matter what I also cannot give it up.
In the sudden awareness that I had the same sickness as my elder sister, I was also on the wrong foot, I do not want to face such a dilemma, so I ran. Just like before, when I’m face with the real difficulty, I always turn around to run, to escape from the reality. I was weak, I was afraid, I was afraid I will fail, even if I try my hardness, I was afraid in the end it was all in vain. But this time its different, God has given me the most precious gift. He has gave me little soy bean, a tiny embryo, right inside of me, growing day by day.
If I could give birth to little soy bean…… My heart was eager, as long as I can give birth to this child, all my happiness in the future, it’s hard to imagine. I will have children, I will have a kids who’ll call me mother, I can hardly imagine what little soy bean appearance would be like, I used my bone and blood to cultivate little soy bean…… I want to see him grow up day by day, I will stay with little soy bean to live happily.
I want little soy bean, no matter how hard it is, for little soy bean I want to try. I won’t run away, for his sake, I will never give up.
Because, I’m a mother ah, little soy bean only has me, with all my blood, sweat, tears and heartache I will give birth to him. When I was younger my mother was already gone, leaving me alone in this world, I will not let little soy bean bear the same suffering, I will never leave him. No matter what kind of difficulties I may encounter, I will never abandon him.
Getting off the train I hailed a cab and went to the real estate agent to look for a place.
My request is very simple, good environment, not far from the most famous national neurosurgery hospital.
Maybe I’ll incidence, that bomb in my brain I don’t know what time it will getting bigger, or when the blood vessels will rupture, or when it will oppresses my nerves, so I want to live near the hospital.
After solving the problem of finding a house, I will go to the hospital, to consult a neurology specialist.
I must admit, I reckon the old professor appeared frightened as he shook his head, trying to persuade me, “Too dangerous, because the process of the pregnancy, your body will secretion all sorts of hormones, and intra-cranial pressure changes during pregnancy…… These are likely to stimulate the masses, you cannot take such a risk!”
I asked him, “If I insist on having the child, what’s the likely probability of the illness increasing?”
He thought for a bit and said to me, “The probability would be more than 70%……” Two seconds later he changed to, “80 – 90%! In other words it’s too dangerous, you can’t take your life as a joke. If you really love children, then adopting is a good option.”
If there is no little soy bean, I would like to adopt a child. But now there’s little soy bean, it’s germinating and growing slowly in my body. It also shared blood my vessels and breathe together with me, how can I say don’t want it, and murder it?
Even if only 1/10000 of hope I would like to use all my strength to fight, even if the chances are only 10% now.
If my elder sister was still here, she will definitely complain I’m a foolish child.
In this world, I’m not as good as my elder sister, but I’m luckier than her, although I have the same hidden danger as her, but my illness has not attacked. I hope I will be stronger than her, I give birth to little soy bean, no matter how much the risk is. I know my elder sister had a lot of regrets, she didn’t marry, she didn’t have time to become a mother, and hastily bid farewell to this world. All the regrets she felt, all the things she has not experienced, I will fulfil on her behalf. I want to live well, not only give birth to little soy bean, I want to live on.
The old professor felt that I was helpless, so he had to tell me, “Be on schedule for your check up, if you have any discomfort, you should immediately come to the hospital.”
I don’t know this discomfort whether it was pregnancy reactions or not.
Since I haven’t been in Shanghai for long I was not accustomed to the climate, every morning I would threw up in a complete mess, before noon I was hungry as a horse. I miss Chi Fei Fan’s braised pork in brown sauce, I miss Beijing Mei Yuan’s milk, I miss everything that I couldn’t eat, and the things I could eat, I also do not want to eat them.
Regardless I had to make myself eat or else I’ll have malnutrition. I download recipes from the Internet, and tried to make my own braised pork in brown sauce, I tried several times without success. It was either too burnt or not chewable, I had to ruefully admitted, I had no talent when it comes to cooking. And there’s also the milk rolls from the plum garden, it was originally from Lu Yu Jiang’s home, occasionally he’ll give me a box to eat. I used to think this thing was fragrant and sweet, nothing remarkable. But now I even dreamed of it, each time I woke up, I had slobber flow on my pillow.
Because I miss the milk rolls, I also miss Lu Yu Jiang. Although I still think that he is a big assh*le, but pregnant women’s thinking is peculiar, I really miss the big assh*le.
I slept until the afternoon, I began to worry about what to eat tonight. Although I had bad morning sickness, but that didn’t stop my weight from increasing. I was getting fatter and fatter, I would eat and then puke, puke then eat, sounds very sickening, but I still hopelessly gain weight, the new maternity trousers I brought has loose a button.
I went to the supermarket and brought yoghurt, beef, mutton, carrots, tomatoes and dumpling skin, intend to wrap dumplings and cook them myself. Don’t be frightened by the things I have brought, you need to know that pregnant women appetite is amazing. I didn’t dare to eat the frozen dumplings at the supermarket, so I just had to make the filling and wrap them myself. Although I don’t know how to make dumpling, but as a mother, I need to learn to cook, or else how am I going to raise my child in the future?
I carried the large bag of things and used the elevator to go upstairs, and finally when the elevator door slid open, within my sight…… Why does the man standing in front of my house look so familiar? A grown man with a big teddy bear, it was really funny.
I suddenly recognized that teddy bear, this teddy bear had accompanied me for several years!
Lu Yu Jiang!
My whole body’s hair bristled, I stretched out my hand to press the close button, but because I was pregnant, my hands and feet were slow, he rushed over to jam the elevator door.
He looked me up and down, then his eyes fell on my slightly swollen belly. His complexion changed as he straighten his neck and yelled at me, “Why are you alone carrying so many things?”
At a time like he also dare to yell at me, he also wasn’t afraid of scaring a pregnant women like me.
Since I can’t run away any more, I placed all the shopping bag into his hands, I petulantly said, “You carry it then.”
He held all the things in his hands, while holding on the teddy bear tightly, then took me to open the door.
I entered the door and laid on the sofa paralysed and said, “I want to eat dumplings.”
Lu Yu Jiang placed the teddy bear down went to wash his hands, and started to chop the ingredients for the dumpling filling.
Kuai Kuai, I still haven’t found out that Lu Yu Jiang can cook, not to mention dumplings. Why men are so capable, and me the genuine woman cannot tell wheat from beans , whose four limbs are like a parasite that do not toil? 
 五谷不分 Wǔ Gǔ Bù Fēn: Unable to distinguish one kind of grain from another ； cannot tell corn from turnips ； cannot tell wheat from beans — ignorant of common things
 四体不勤 Sì Tǐ Bù Qín: Basically means lazy.
After eating a dish of beef and tomato dumplings, and eat a dish of mutton and carrot dumplings, I burp with my heart content and began to drink yoghurt.
Lu Yu Jiang was obviously frightened by my appetite, but he did not say anything, besides he only care about one thing, “Was it delicious compared with Chi Fei Fan’s braised pork in brown sauce?”
This assh*le, come here but also doesn’t forget to care about his former love rival. I continued, “Brother-in-law braised pork in brown sauce is more delicious. Your dumpling is also an entry-level, my brother-in-law the dishes are master level.”
Somehow, his mood was much better, he snorted a sound and said to me, “I’m not a cook, doesn’t matter how delicious he cooks braised pork in brown sauce, what’s the use?”
I know the reason now, because my slip of tongue, I also called Chi Fei Fan “Brother-in-law”, no wonder this assh*le was in such a good mood, he finally felt that Chi Fei Fan and I was especially innocent.
I deliberately made him angry, “But saying so you are my authentic ‘brother-in-law’, but fortunately my elder sister didn’t marry you, otherwise Chi Fei Fan would have made braised pork in brown sauce for my elder sister to eat, my elder sister would regret marrying you sooner or later.”
He was finally angry, “It’s only braised pork in brown sauce? I don’t believe I will never learn to make it!”
Very good, very good, it seems like I’ll have braised pork in brown sauce to eat tomorrow.
But this assh*le is not tactful, he changed the subject again and tried to persuade me to give up, “Jing Zhi, I know what you’re thinking, but you should not make blind risk……”
I had a pair of Sister Jiang  looked of awe-inspiring righteousness, and interrupted him, “You can cut off my head, my blood can flow! But if you want me to give up little soy bean, dream on!”
 Sister Jiang is a 1964 Chinese-language western-style opera based on the real life death of Sichuan revolutionary martyr Jiang Zhuyun
“But your body……”
“It’s my body, little soy bean is mine!” I just didn’t draw a three eight line in front of him, forbid him deviate a step further, “If you dare to have any ideas with me and my child, I’ll use a brick to kill you!”
Instinctively he rubs his head, the ashtray scar that I hit him before has not entirely healed, his gave a wry smile.
He could not convince me, I could not persuade him, but I have a trick. From the beginning when I ran away I knew there would be a day when I would be found, when Lu Yu Jiang was trying to convince me, so I’ve been wondering how to persuade him.
Ideological work is the priority among priorities!
There’s a check up at the hospital I finally came up with a plan.
Today I will make use of this trump card.
I said to Lu Yu Jiang, “Accompany me to the hospital to do physical examination tomorrow, once the examination is done then we can decide whether or not to keep the child.”
Of course he did not refuse.